How To Be Annoying

The other night I was sitting on the couch with my family watching a movie. Fortunately I had the remote and decided to slyly turn the volume down one click every minute. Yes, this required a devotion of time, and yes that possibly makes me a nerd, because our surround sound is normally on 45 volume. So I turned it down one click at a time until it was very very quiet and someone finally noticed. I thought that was very funny and I started cracking up.

I was first going to write this about annoying things that people do, but I thought it would be funnier to write about annoying things to do.

# 1 annoying thing to do: write everything with your left hand. I actually did this once. And by once I mean for like three months. Turn in all your papers this way and see if anyone notices, because it will look like they were written by a third grader. Your teachers will possibly think that your little brother did it for you or that you are just completely retarded.

#2 annoying thing to do: buy massive amounts of minty dental floss, like enough to fill a beach bag and bring it with you when you go to the movies with someone. Then proceed to lick all the flavoring off the dental floss like it's candy. You might also want to bring another beach bag to discard the used stuff.

# 3 annoying thing to do: sew jingle bells into all your clothes. Act insulted if people say anything.

#4 annoying thing to do: always write your name with quotations marks around it.

#5: Insist that you are psychic. I know from personal experience that this is ridiculously annoying because my sister went through this phase. Any time a guess turns out mildly right, blame it on your psychic powers. For example, on a rainy day predict that it is going to be raining. When you walk outside your friends will be just amazed at your gift. Also randomly tell people that you “knew they were going to do that.”

#6: Name your dog Cat. Or Dog. Or Mother Nature Is Calling. This is especially funny if you are talking to them while you are in public.

#7: Put a full length mirror in your bathroom on the wall next to the toilet. This way when guests use your bathroom, they are forced to watch themselves.

#8: Make plans with multiple people on the 31st of September. They typically won't get it while you are making plans, but they will be hilariously confused when the 1st rolls around.

#9: leave annoying notes all around peoples houses that are supposed to “boost their self esteem.” For example “You are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.” Or “You do deserve love!” You can also do this in your own home, particularly on mirrors so that people can't see themselves. Just say that it really lifts your spirits when you are feeling blue.

#10: Drive really really slow, turn on your signal and come to a complete stop at every street or intersection, but never turn.